Tonight I find myself really wishing that the stork was how babies came. Kind of silly I know. That way I wouldn't be feeling defective because my body hasn't gotten pregnant in 8 years, well ever.
I am really can't wait til we are able to fly to Fiji and adopt. There are just so many things that go through my mind. The biggest one is what is going to happen next to block out journey there. I know that everything that has happened and will happen is part of GOD's plan. I know that HE is faithful and any other obstacles that arise will be used for growth and good. I dream of what it will be like to finally have a little one. And I really wish it was happening tomorrow. Although I know that having everything lined first is best.
Then I feel guilty that I wonder what our children would look like if I was able to get pregnant. I'm pretty positive that they would be the cutest little one on the planet. Truly I'm not bad looking and Jason is pretty handsome.
Maybe we will end up will a house full of gorgeous Indian children from Fiji. Maybe we will have a little of both. I'm just sitting here with my arms empty and a longing for them to be filled with a baby.
It doesn't help that I found out just the other day that my brothers brother had another baby. That makes 3 boys. What's harder for me is that the were married one year after Jason and I.
I'm just very full of tears right now that are not holding back for anything.
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