Failure

Today I'm feeling like one of the biggest failures in the world. Funny thing is it is attached to something I have no control over. My body is not doing what it was designed to do. Now I know that God is aware of this and that this is most likely part of his plan. I still feel like a failure because everything in this feels like its my fault. I'm unable to get pregnant for no known reason. My employer is unwilling to hold my job while we go to adopt. Now I know that switching jobs is not a bad thing, it is just hard to expect someone else to hire my with the knowledge that with in the next 6 months I will be need 3 weeks off. Most prospective employers don't want to hire someone who needs so much time off right away. It would be so much easier if my current employer would work with me. They all ready know how skilled I am. They say that my skills are very valuable to them but when the rubber meets the road they do not back up anything with they're actions (another good reason for another job).

I'm sure you are thinking what is the big deal with waiting a little longer??? After waiting for 7 years already I should be good at it and see that there is an end in sight. Instead knowing that it is so reachable makes it hurt more that we are back into a holding pattern. I'm feeling like my plane is going to run out of fuel before we get clearance to land. I know that tomorrow I will most likely feel differently.

Today I'm feeling that if my body would cooperate and work like it was made to all this other stuff wouldn't be a worry. I know GOD has a plan and through HIS plan he is working in me to make me closer to HIM. Just a lot of tears involved right now.