Baby Whisperer

So that a new title for me at church. It's cute but it hurts at the same time.

I have on three occasions put 2 different wee ones to sleep. One that had been crying for a long time and unable to be settled and the other that fights sleep even for MOM.

THe good thing is that when they were in my arms I felt like I was doing what I was made to do. The bad part is that they go home with MOM and I'm left with empty arms once again.

This does help to fight the stupid thoughts that pop in my head that I would be a BAD MOM. A BAD MOM would have a knack for putting wee ones to sleep even the hard ones.

New Job

So I finished my time off. This week I started my new job. I really like it. I feel really stupid, but did I think was going to happen. I had been in the same job type for 17 years. Of course learning tons of new things would be overwhelming. I am so tired that I really can't explain any more. My brain is shutting down.

Road Trip

We went on a road trip for Christmas Eve. OK so it was a Hawaiian road trip. It was 90 miles round trip. A bit of a change from Colorado. We went to North Shore. Last year we went North Shore watched the BIG waves and had coconut shrimp. So we went to do the same this year. The waves were not as big but still very beautiful.

Readers

So I was just checking out my blog traffic. Well if my blog were a town it might not even have a stop sign. It's that small. That's ok. I just found myself feeling a little sorry and then I remembered that I really haven't given it to that many friends and the I realized how silly I was being. I guess I will always have that desire to be popular. Funny I thought I would have grown out of that.

Moving right along

This weekend we moved into our new place. Our Church is sooo great. They announced it at church that we needed help moving. We had about 5 trucks, a mini van, SUV and a few cars about 15 people show up. So we were all ready when everyone arrived. It took 30 min to load everything up and another 30 min to unload. They is the fasted move I have ever been involved in yet alone had my self.

On another note. My forced early resignation letter had a little bite today. I received a letter in my mail box informing me that even though I had said my last day would be Jan 4th. They wrote that they request my last day will be the 24th of Dec. It's bad enough that it is Christmas Eve. What makes it worse is that I had put in a vacation request before I knew I would be leaving asking for Dec 24th - Jan 1 off. So tomorrow I will go to them and let them know that with that in mind my last day will be Dec 21st.

We are still in the midst of unpacking. Overwhelmed with everything going on and surrounded by mess. Of course this comes just after I have noticed I focus way too much on the negative and am making an effort to focus on the positive. Tomorrow I will take the bus for the 1st time to work. So I plan on leaving extra early since I could find the exact bus I need to take on line. The good news I know that the bus right in front of our new place will get me to work. It may not the the quickest one but it will get me there.

The Stork

Tonight I find myself really wishing that the stork was how babies came. Kind of silly I know. That way I wouldn't be feeling defective because my body hasn't gotten pregnant in 8 years, well ever.

I am really can't wait til we are able to fly to Fiji and adopt. There are just so many things that go through my mind. The biggest one is what is going to happen next to block out journey there. I know that everything that has happened and will happen is part of GOD's plan. I know that HE is faithful and any other obstacles that arise will be used for growth and good. I dream of what it will be like to finally have a little one. And I really wish it was happening tomorrow. Although I know that having everything lined first is best.

Then I feel guilty that I wonder what our children would look like if I was able to get pregnant. I'm pretty positive that they would be the cutest little one on the planet. Truly I'm not bad looking and Jason is pretty handsome.

Maybe we will end up will a house full of gorgeous Indian children from Fiji. Maybe we will have a little of both. I'm just sitting here with my arms empty and a longing for them to be filled with a baby.

It doesn't help that I found out just the other day that my brothers brother had another baby. That makes 3 boys. What's harder for me is that the were married one year after Jason and I.

I'm just very full of tears right now that are not holding back for anything.

Confused

So I got the new job. It doesn't start until Jan 7th. Earlier I was extremely excited. Now I am strangely bummed. It doesn't make sense. I went from bouncing excitement to blah. Everything is falling into place. We move into out new place on Saturday. What more could I want? I really don't know.