Ok so I haven't logged in for a while. Ok almost 2 years. I find that I have so much to say but very little time to sit down. I give friends small up dates here and there but don't really think too much about all the details. I read a friends blog and felt it was time for me to a least post something.
So Jas and I are almost at our 12 year anniversary. Wow. GOD really has blessed me with a great man. He has been so supportive with all the health things that have happened in the last 12 years. To think that before we were married I really wasn't sick at all. Then on the honeymoon it all started. I do have to say that our marriage has a depth to it that wouldn't be there if I had been in perfect health the last 12 years. I'm overwhelmed and in tears just remembering how amazing GOD and my husband have been to me.
I think I get so used to just one more hurdle and don't stop to really think about all of it. I don't what to get stuck in all the little things that happen but I think I need to reflect more so I remember just how wonderful GOD has been to me.
So one of the things I had blogged about forever ago was my unexplainable back pain. Well a few months ago GOD lead me to a physical therapist that was able to shed some light on things. It seems my ligaments are very loose. I was probably born that way and that's why I have been very flexible all my life. Seems that with age my muscles were having a hard time picking up the slack that the ligaments should be helping with. The extra movement was allowing things to slide and pinch nerves and stuff. At my first visit with the therapist he was moving my hip and stated that he thought it was going to come off in his hand. Oh my. So long story short I have now graduated therapy and have water exercises to keep strengthening my muscles to help hold me together.
I am now having some stomach trouble. I had a round of this 2 years ago for 3 months and then it went away as mysteriously and it came. Just like last time the Doctors do not know whats going on. Some times I think GOD gave me the gift of baffling Doctor. The good news is now I am more secure in who GOD has made me not to be shaken so much by the health struggles that come my way. Through this GOD is really and truly my strength. My main issue is that in the mornings for over a month I either vomit first thing when I wake up or I am very nauseated and can barely eat anything. Usually it gets better as the day goes on and by dinner most nights I can eat a lot. But some days the nausea lingers. This is keeping me in a constant state of prayer. As I'm uncomfortable I am lead to pray for my friends and family I know are going through uncomfortable times too and I pray a lot for being able to eat. The good news is with my water exercises and lesser eating ability I'm getting very toned. Don't worry I am being careful not to over do it and to be good at getting as much nutrition as possible to keep my body going.
Just as a note. Jas and I don't have any kids still. I am at a place where I am ok if we never have children and if we do that's ok too. I know that either way GOD has an amazing plan. Although after 11 years of marriage we did get a dog. In November last year we found Koko at the humane society. She will be a year on August 29th. She is full of energy, loves people and dogs, loves to jump and can run very fast. We have become pet parents. The dotting silly pet people that I thought we would never become. But it is fun. She keeps us on our toes. I've included a picture of her in her favorite place, looking out the window.
I have found myself at the age of 37 really liking myself. I should explain. I have always been a shy, quiet, not very confident kind of person. I used to always be afraid of bothering people too much and making them not like me any more. So I would wait for others to make the first move. I didn't really like myself so why would others like me. So in the last 6 months GOD has put a new confidence in me. I am more out going. People want to hang out with me, that still blow my mind sometimes (I mean there are so many other choices). Even in awkward situations where others are mad at me I realize that there is a part that is my fault but that there are other things that are not mine to own. Before I would own it all and blame myself for everything. Now GOD is showing be the what matters is what HE thinks of me. That I don't need to defend myself. To listen to what others have to say, apologize and say very little else. Then I take it to GOD and let it go. If others aren't happy with me to know that there are things in there lives influencing them and there may be thing projected on me that have nothing to do with me and that is ok. I know that GOD loves me no matter what, that HE sees all I do and knows my true motives even if people misunderstand. GODS opinion of me is all that matters and the rest is a bonus. It funny in the past my work is where I've been most confident and in the last few months that has been where I have been the most misunderstood. But then my personal life is where I used to be the least confident and now that is where I'm stronger. Which looking back at it is really the better place to be. Don't get me wrong I want to be a good employee but I'd rather be a stronger friend, which is where I am.
GOD really is good all the time. There is probably a lot I haven't touch but am done for now. 2 years is a long time to try and catch up on. will try to now wait so long the next time I blog.
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