In shock

Today I was talking to my co-worker that just started on monday Yvette. I we talked I found out we have something in commom. The thing we have in common is the one thing in my life I never thought I would find in common. I know many people with simular experiences but yet very differant. What I am talking about is my brothers death. How close our stories are in wierd. As we talked I had chicken flesh.

We both lost our only full sibling. Both of our brothers died of unexpected sudden heart failure. We both only found out why through the coreners report. We both has 3 half siblings. Yvette has 1 half sister and 2 half brothers. I half 1 half brother and 2 half sisters. We were able to talk in a way that amazed me. I don't know if she believes in Jesus yet our not. But I have a feeling Jesus brought us together to do something amazing.

I feel a strange conection with her because we have gone down a very simular road. One that I knew others had gone down but had never met any one on.

Why

This may be a little whinny. You have been warned. Today I mentioned to the Doctor I didn't ask my friends to move the wedding but that the date was set for the times I asked for. He laughed, then realizing that he was used as the leverage he said I forgot that I asked Donald to ask for you to ask them to move it. All that said to say I still don't have an answer to whether I can get the time or not. Truth is that I know my time there is limited I just don't know for how much longer. So if they say no it will not keep me from the wedding. It is so rude for them to drag their feet and keep us from planning. Truth is that in this case we are going to buy the tickets whether or not I have their ok, but in a normal situation they could be causing someone to pay more for air fair than they need to. That is not right!!!!!!
I feel so out of place at work because of the fact that I'm looking for another job. Today is the first time I have felt anger toward my Doctor. I realized he is just as guilty for the guild trips and mind games as Donald is because the Doctor allows Donald to have the power to do so. I just want everything to be calm and normal. Wish I knew what normal was.

Work

So I haven't asked GOD for more conformation about my job, but I got more today. I fell that GOD ask confirmed that it is ok for me to leave. Today HE really made it plain. I was doing a skin treatment on a friend of my Doctor that I work for. She knows the administrator and how he is. Even though she is a friend of the doc I felt a freedom in sharing with her what I've been going through. Her husband is an eye doctor with his own practice. I told her of some of the stresses and she wasn't surprised but sad that I was going through the stress. She confirmed my feelings that no job is worth that much stress and power trip. She also thought it good for me to get out as soon as I can. Also she said that once I leave that if I didn't find something that she would make a position for me. She and her husband sound like the kind of boss that I worked for in Colorado that was the most amazing boss I've ever had. The only thing is that she can't be what I leave for because of her friendship with the doctor that I work for. GOD is so good.

Decision

We have decided to rent to this guy. If he still wants it. We e-mailed our agent with a few questions last night. She feeling our stress ask if he would pay 1 years rent up front. He said yes. We e-mailed tonight saying to go ahead if he still wants and that we only want 6 months rent up front. So far no news about a dog which is good and also no metion of painting. I think that this is totally where GOD wanted us so that we would be willing to think about giving him a chance even with out good credit. It feels good to think that are house is most likely rented. WOW.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?

So we were just notified that we have gotten our first app. on the house for renting. The problem is that his credit is bad because his house is in forclosure because he had to quit his job to take care of is daughter. He is a cop working at getting a job. The negative is that because he didn't pass the agents credit check it is up to us to take the risk. When the prespective tenant passes the credit check the cost of eviction is on the agent not us. So we risk having a costly proccess if we have to evict. Then I wonder is this why it hasn't rented? Did we have to get to this point of desperation to be willing to be the ones to take a chance on this guy and help him get back on his feet. I afraid though that is we do and it turns out bad that we may end up with our house in forcloser. I know GOD is in control and it is his house and his money we are just trying to do the right thing. Why can't it be black and white? I really like black and white. It would also be good if GOD would send an e-mail or something. We don't want to make a hasty decision but we also don't want to miss the one and only person so far to turn in an app.

The hike

Today I was thinking about the journey Jason & I have been on these 6 months. It reminds me of Hanging lake hike near Glennwood Springs in Colorado. The first 2 times I tried it I didn't make it all the way. Its only a mile or so but vert steep. But I've made it to the top at least twice. It is so worth it. It is one of the most beautiful sence I have seen. Here in Hawaii I feel like we are on a very steep hike. The great thing is that we really can't turn back. We could move back to Colorado and have a house to live in but nothing else, so not the best option. I know that GOD is in control and that when we reach the top it will be like nothing we have ever experienced. I keep reminding myself that where GOD guides he provides. He has been so faithful to us even when we freak out. I also know that like the rest of my life experiences my testimony will be HIS faithfulness through it all. I am over whelmed at HIS amazing love.

Up's & Down's

So everyone can get a laugh I am sitting here with frozen lima beans on my hip while I write. I've been having severe pain in my hip since we've moved to Hawaii and no one can figure out why. But any way at hula practice we were working on refining different steps. Of course I don't know when to stop before pain. So I would follow in the steps until my hip would stop me and now it hurts and I wonder why. That was a bunny trail.

So I just got home from our church women's night be had dinner at Cindy's house and watched The Count of Monte Cristo. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and I didn't want to leave. So now I'm sad and feeling all alone. This is where the blog is wonderful since everyone I could call is in the midst of wonderful dreams I hope. I don't understand why I'm so sad. It's late and I should go to bed. Coming home is the normal thing to do after an event. I guess I was so in need of contact with other ladies that I didn't want it to end.

So we heard from the rental company today. They are totally baffled at why the house isn't renting. It is one of the nicest best showing house they have and it's a great price but it still doesn't rent. It is getting the best responses from all the houses they are showing. Everyone says they are going to turn in an app. and no one has yet, Crazy. You know GOD has something great planned when man is trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense. GOD has the prefect people for our house and they haven't found it yet. So if you could pray for our perfect renters to find our house already that would be great. Why am I complaining? GOD has taken care of every need and then some. It has been the most comfortable but beauty comes out of pain. Plus on the other side of this hopefully some of the ugly things in me that have needed to be gotten rid of will have been worked out of me. GOD has a plan and it is greater than anything I could imagine.

I still don't know what to do about my job. I'm sure I need another one but don't know what that will be. I sent out about 10 resumes with cover letters to jobs I found on craigslist. I was super careful to word it right and wrote it in word for spell check. Well yesterday I figured out that the cover letter I had been copy and pasting had a misplaced word. I had meant to say attached is my resume, instead I had typed attacked is my resume. So I know now why I hadn't gotten any responses to the e-mails. Funny how humbling little things like that can be.