Over Drive

I woke up this morning very driven.

Yesterday I was much better, not crying at the drop of a hat. My drive is I was made with a mother's heart. GOD gave me this heart and I have felt it since I was a small child. So the trying to be ok without children thing is over. I also am feeling that I will get pregnant. After 9 years that a funny thing to think at least in my mind. I am ok with adopting but I feel strongly that I want to be pregnant. I feel that later we will adopt but not now.I may sound like a crazy women and I am a little.
What I'm sure of.
- GOD gave me this heart, if we were not supposed to have kids HE would have changed it by now.
- GOD knows what's going on with my back even if the doctors don't.
- GOD made my body and can make it happen.
- GOD is LARGE and in CHARGE.

So what I'm need from you who are reading. Please PRAY. Pray for all the things above.

On another note. I have been following a blog of a little guy going through a lot. Please go check him out at PRAYFORPARKER.COM He needs your prayer. His family need your prayer too. He is 3 years old after you see his picture you will think there is no way he's that old but he is. Pray for his healing and for the family finances. The families insurance does not cover a lot and in the beginning the family paid all the bills they could til they have nothing more to pay. Because of their trying to pay the bill collectors will not have mercy on them. So they are constantly hounded for money they do not have. Well you get the picture.

And it came.

Strange title. I just spent the last 6 days waiting for my period, and it came. You would think after 9 years I would be pretty good at this. THe good news is that I didn't cry at work today. But now I'm home and it won't stop. I am normally very on time so by day 6 I was pretty sure I was pregnant. That's what I get for thinking. All that time of working through not having kids seem to have all been wiped away. My heart is in a million pieces and I want to just give up. I know it is just the moment. I will be fine because GOD is faithful. I was so STUPID to have gotten my hopes up. Although I don't think I've ever been that late before. I really want a child. I would really like to experience being pregnant. Maybe it's just being around a lot of pregnant people I don't know. I do now a lot of people that are pregnant right now and I thought I was going to join them. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for them. I just wouldn't be able to talk about it right now with out tears. I feel very lost right now.

Ruff start

I started off my time on my own with a reaction to a new medication. The bad thing is a paniced and stopped all meds. Not knowing that one of the meds I'm on should not be stopped abruptly. So then I reacted to not having that med. I ended up in ER a very sick girl. It is so wonderful to have family and a great church family here. I felt so much love.

Now I'm doing much better. The battery in the Pathfinder decided to stop working. This was only a little bump in the road. Now it's all fixed and everything is going well.

I am ready for Jason to be back. He returnes on the 9th. YEA! This will be the longest we have been apart.

MOPED!!!!

We got a MOPED a week ago Saturday. I have ad so much fun. The plan was for Jason to use it on the days he doesn't need to haul things. The problem is I LOVE it. I enjoy it so much. It's so much better than the bus. I see us getting another one when we can. Unless Jason doesn't like it then it's all mine.

GOD Rocks

These last 2 weeks GOD had blown my mind. I know God is faithful and loves blessing his children. This last week we have been blesses beyond we could imagine.

Back ground. One of Jason's uncles graduated into heaven and we knew we needed to send him to be with family. Also Jason has had a mission's trip planned for Vanuatu for months. With both of those events we were not sure how it was going to happen but knew GOD is faithful. In short the ticket to Colorado was taken care of by a family member. For the trip to Vanuatu so many friends and family have supported him that half of the trip cost has been taken care of.

On top of all that my pain has been very low for weeks now. It has gone from being a 8-10 to being a 2-5. After months of 8-10 pain I didn't realize how low it had pushed me down until I woke up with 3 pain and felt like a new person and so happy I was bouncing.

While Jason was in Colorado I had amazing break through with GOD and feel more secure in who I am in HIM.

Tropic Thunder

Here is a link to a story about an upcoming movie. I can't believe they think this is funny. Please pop over to the site and read more.

Tropic Thunder

Long Time

Wow. Time goes by really fast. Nothing has changed with the pain thing. Trying a few new meds and see what happens.

Jason is going on a mission trip. He leave for Vanuatu the last week of this month and will be gone for just over 2 weeks. I won't know what to do with my self. This will only be the second time we've been apart for 2 weeks. This time though there is no phone calls or i-chat. That might make it harder. Jason is a little nervous. This is only his second missions trip and his first was not great. I know this one will be better. I'm sad that I won't be going.

If you hadn't figured it out we did not go to Figi and adopt as we had planned for June. We have put that on hold because of the pain stuff.